Encounters in India

A retired general of army entered the television room of a defence serivces club to listen to the BBc news there he saw captains watching a dance number on MTV that was a combination of salsa lambada samba grind and nach baliye. Watching the bodies of dancers all with their midriffs exposed and teir horrendous pelvic thrusts the veteran minlitary historian left the room aghast with his expert comment In my entire service this is the first time I have witnessed encounter where there is no one dead.
Another encounter in which men in uniform participate but do not get killed are the much publicised bold and infamous police encounters

Prudence

Pervej musharaff (expresident of pakistan) sitting in the Office was brought the message that his deadly enemy Benezir Bhutto had just died. Pervez Bowed his head clearly shaken " A great woman, a brilliant woman. A tragic loss" he muttered.
Some mintes later another member of parliament came to the front bench post to inform him thay the press was waiting out to get his " heartfelt opinions on late Bhutto Pervez thought a moment then looked up warily and said Are you sure she is dead Has Americans confirmed it.

OOHHH

When I was buying some dresses in a store I heard a baby crying profusely and the young father trying to console the baby . I went up and asked whats the matter why the baby crying.
The father replied 'OH its the first time the baby has seen his mother spending money'

Dont laugh

Tom asked Dick Dick "I never see you going out with your girlfriend any more"
Dick " I can' stand her laughter"
Tom "I have never noticed her laugh"
Dick " You have never noticed her laugh because you are never around when I propose to her"

Saturday

There are people who takes bath only on week ends. This story is about a well to do couple who have the habit of taking bath only on week ends, they were staying in a plush newyork hotel. The wife wrote to her mother' mom we have a wonderful room and adjoining it is a simply marvellous bathrood inlaid with marble. If only every day was a saturday'

Kartik

Kartik is the warrior god. He is the general of Indra the king of god.It is also believed that he is very good looking.

saraswati

Saraswati is the godess of knowledge music and creative arts. Saraswati is also called vak devi or the godess of speech. Students all over india worship saraswati.

Lakhi

Lakshmi, also called Laxmi, is the goddess of wealth,fortune, power, luxury, beauty, fertility, and auspiciousness. She holds the promise of material fulfillment and contentment. She is described as restless, whimsical yet maternal, with her arms raised to bless and to grant her blessings.
Lakhi is also described as wife of narayan or vishnu.

Ganesh

Ganesha also spelled Ganesa or Ganesh and also known as Ganapati, Vinayaka, and Pillaiyar, is one of the best-known and most worshipped god by hindus His image is found throughout India Hindu sects worship him regardless of other Although he is known by many other attributes, Ganesha's elephant head makes him easy to identifyGanesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstaclesand more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles (Vighnesha, Vighneshvara),patron of arts and sciences, and the god of intellect and wisdomHe is honoured at the start of rituals and ceremonies and invoked as Patron of Letters during writing. It is widely believed ganesh wrote mahabharata.

Durga

The name durga means invincible. The syllable' du' is synonymous with four devils of poverty sufferings famine and evil habits. the 'r' refers to diseases and the 'ga' refers to the destroyer of sins injustice cruelty laziness all those symbolizes to the non religious activity.

Consolation

A child was admitted to a hospital after breaking his right hand. After he was taken to the bed he started crying. A sister came and asked why r u crying. The boy said I will have to stay in this hospital for 10 days. The sister said I will have to stay in this hospital for another 30 years.

What is the speed of darkness? .If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out ofthat stuff? Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? Can you cry under water?????????

History

Leo Tolstoy's daughter Tatiana Tolstoy writes
At one time my father was greatly interested in the theatre. One evening he went to the Malay theatre in Moscow, where they were playing labiches comedy An Italian straw hat, At that time he was writing his own comedy, The fruits of enlightenment.
During the intermission he met in the lobby a professor friend of his who seemed embarrassed that Tolstoy should see him attending such a silly play" you too Leo" the professor said with a forced laugh" you've come to see this idiotic play?
"All my life" replied my father "I've dreamt of writing something similar. But I'M not talented enough"

Existence

God, what is Your purpose of Existence?For God's purpose of Existence itself defines the purpose of all that exists.I asked God that question...God answered, "My purpose of Existence is To give life. Since you are made in My image after My likeness, then YOUR purpose of existence is to give life."Everything that exists is an expression of God's thinking; thus, everything reflects God's thinking.God gives life by His unique existence, and receives life when He gives life. All of existence gives life by its unique existence to that which receives life from its unique existence. This is Nature - the union of all living (eternal) things.You are here to give life by your unique existence to that which receives life from your unique existence. So do what you love that nourishes those who love what you love.This is your purpose.According to the Big Bang theory, scientists assume that the universe began as a singularity the size of a marble that fits in your hand.How is it possible to fit the ENTIRE universe in a marble?The Big Bang theory suggests that the origin of the universe began as a singularity - a primeval atom. If the universe actually did begin as a primeval atom, where did it come from? And if the primeval atom did exist as a singularity, how is the Big Bang mathematically possible if 1+0=1?Which means that if the primeval atom exists as a singularity and there is nothing else to add to it, then shouldn't the universe still exist as a primeval atom according to this mathematical principle?And if such a primeval atom exploded the universe into existence, how could it consist in the first place if it existed as a singular instability? - which means that the singularity was unstable and blew up (if this is the case, how long was it stable and what caused the instability if it existed as a singularity and there was nothing else there to unbalance it)?To look at things differently is to see things clearly.The universe is a non-linear construct from The Infinite. The universe has a beginning but it has no end...More explicitly...God caused all existence to altogether consist simultaneously at once...thus, the universe is a non-linear construct from The Infinite.How is this possible? Simple... E=mc2 (The conversion of light energy into matter).ALL MATTER CONSISTS OF ENERGY.Where does this energy come from? A primeval atom the size of a marble? Do you REALLY think that is physically possible?If E=mc2 is the conversion of light energy into matter, and all matter consists of energy...then all matter originally consisted as light.Where did this energy come from? Light.If energy came from light...and GOD IS LIGHT...all energy came from God!If God is Light...and Light is energy...What does God consist of?E...N...E...R...G...Y...E=mc2If God says, "I am the beginning" God is saying, "I am the raw material from which all existence consists." Thus, God Himself is the Light from which all matter is formed...God is E=mc2Genesis 1.1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. "In the beginning" means "From Eternity"If Eternity has no beginning nor end, and God has no beginning nor end, God is Eternity.Genesis 1.1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. When was the heaven created? In the beginning.When was the earth created? In the beginning.So if BOTH the heaven AND the earth were created in the beginning, the heaven and the earth were BOTH created simultaneously!THUS, THE HEAVEN AND THE EARTH ARE THE SAME AGE!So the earth IS over 65,000,000 years old!Genesis 1.1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.If "In the beginning" means "from Eternity", and God IS Eternity, AND GOD IS THE BEGINNING, "In the beginning" means "In God". So Genesis 1.1 actually says, "In God, God created the heaven and the earth".Why didn't Genesis 1.1 say "At the beginning God created the heaven and the earth" as if related to time like "At 1:00"? Because "In the beginning" is "from Eternity" where there is no time. AND "In the beginning" is BOTH a moment AND a location.How? God is Omnipresent. NOTHING can exist OUTSIDE OF GOD, thus everything exists WITHIN God. SO, "IN the beginning" is actually "WITHIN the beginning"; which is actually "WITHIN God, The Beginning".Thus,Genesis 1.1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.orWithin, God The Beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.God is Spirit. Angels are "spirit" beings. God created angels from Himself.The same way God formed angels from Himself, so formed He existence...With one thought.God has no beginning. He has no "first thought" as if He had a beginning. God's infinite knowledge itself is one thought.Omniscience is infinite knowledge as one thought.Omnificence is unlimited creative power.Omnipotence is infinite power.Omnipresence is infinity itself.Put them together, what do you get?Unlimited creative power applied to infinite knowledge that is expressed everywhere at once with a single act of infinite power!OrGod creating existence from Himself with one thought!E=mc2Genesis 1.1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.orWithin, God The Beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.orWithin, God The Beginning, God formed from Himself, Existence, with one thought - causing all existence to altogether consist simultaneously at once.Thus, the universe is a non-linear construct from The Infinite - God Himself. The universe has a beginning but it has no end. Which is why the background of the stars is black.Learn to look at things differently is to see things clearly.Existence itself is created from God's physical existence. Yes God does physically exist, He is just physically different.How do I know all this, simple...I asked God this question...What are you made of?His answer...Energy.And that was the beginning of my instruction directly from the Creator

You cannot please everyone

One day a man was going to market with his son and his ass. they met a couple on the way."Why walk when you have an ass to ride?" called out the husband, "seat the boy on the ass.""I would like that," said the boy, "help me up father."And the father did that willingly.Soon they met another couple. "How shameful of you!" cried the woman, "let your father ride, won't he be tired?"So, the boy got down and the father rode the ass. Again they marched on."poor boy", said the next person they met, "why should the lazy father ride while his son is walking?"So, the boy got onto the ass too. As they went on, they met some travellers."How cruel of them!" They are up to kill the poor ass." cried one of the travellers.Hearing this, the father and the son got down. Now they decided to carry the ass on their shoulders. As they did so, the travellers broke into laughter.The laughter frightened the ass. It broke free and galloped away.

Sand & Stone

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE." They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE." The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it." LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND, AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE

BAD HABITS

A wealthy man requested an old scholar to wean his son away from his bad habits. The scholar took the youth for a stroll through a garden. Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there. The youth held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant. The youth pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all."Now pull out that one," said the old man pointing to a bush. The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out."Now take this one out," said the old man, indicating a guava tree. The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge."I – It's impossible," said the boy, panting with the effort."So it is with bad habits," said the sage. "When they are young it is easy to pull them out but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted."The session with the old man changed the boy's life.

gopal bhand

Gopal Bhand was once taken to court by a man who claimed that he owned the land on which Gopal's house stood. Gopal had the documents to prove that he owned the land but he knew that the judge who was to try the case was corrupt and could be bought. Gopal decided to take a gift for the judge.At the hearing, the complainant stated his case and then taking out a fat wallet from one pocket transferred it to another in a slow and deliberate manner. The judge understood. He looked at Gopal as if to ask him if he could match the offer.In answer, Gopal patted his own pocket. The judge was pleased to see that it was bulging. He could make out the outlines of two large objects in it and he felt sure they were gold ornaments.He gave a verdict in Gopal's favour and called him to his chambers. Gopal went round to the judge's chambers and began to thank him for deciding the case in his favour. But the judge cut him short with an impatient gesture of his hand."The gift," he snapped. "Give me whatever you have brought for me!"Gopal took out two large stones from his pocket and gave them to him.

old age

An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints."I see spots before my eyes," he said."It's due to old age," said the doctor."No food agrees with me," said the man."That too is due to old age," said the doctor. "The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.""My back is giving trouble," persisted the man. "Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.""Old age," said the doctor.This was too much for the man."Why do you go on saying 'old age, old age'," he screamed. "If you cannot cure me, say so. I'll go elsewhere.""See how easily you lost you temper," said the doctor. "That is another characteristic of old age."

portrait

bengal sultan who was blind in one eye invited three artists to paint his picture.“If you do a bad portrait, I will punish you,” he warned, “ but if you do a good one I will reward you. Now start!”The first artist produced a picture that showed the sultan as he was: blind in one eye.The sultan had him executed for showing disrespect to his monarch.The second artist showed him with both eyes intact.The sultan had him flogged for trying to flatter him.The third artist drew him in profile, showing only his good eye.The sultan, pleased, rewarded him with gold and honours.

Falling hair

My aunty has a problem with falling hair. She went to a doctor and asked Sir my hair keeps on falling can you give me some thing to keep my falling hair.
The doctor after thinking a while asked the nurse to bring a empty medicine box and gave it to my aunty and said keep your hair inside it.

Steering

Police stopped a motorist who was driving in great speed. Police said, "Why were you going so fast?" Motorist said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, It moves fast. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."

es

Tom asked his Doctor, sir if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer

Wh

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."The man continued, "I work for 5 star"

Dentist

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock football match

sHOCKING SECRETS WOMN DONT WANT MAN TO KNOW

what is yahoo?ans:the real abreviation is "yet another hierarchical official oracle"bye frnd......................




Ever tried to wonder whats in womens mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say. They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Read on to discover some of the most shocking secrets women don't want men to know.

Blonds are nott always dumb- If you thought all of them were dumb than you are strongly mistaken. Hair colour does not affect a person's IQ. They only act dumb to seem cute or get you to spend money on them and if you do that than you are dumb not them.

Women get jealous as hell- They might deny it but the fact is they get extremely jealous even if their man talks to a random female or maybe a friend. She might pretend to act all nice but inside her jealousy volcano is about to erupt.

I am the sexiest of them all- Every woman has this mind frame no matter how much they try to deny it. Almost every woman wants to feel like the one and only beauty queen in the world as if nothing compares and demand royal treatment from all men.

Am I fat- I know heard this one time and again but let's all admit to it officially! No matter how skinny she is she would never consider herself thin. Almost every woman occasionally asks this annoying question- "Am I looking fat in this honey?”

They always lie about shopping- They might be out grocery shopping but always end up getting something for themselves which they thought was cute. They either try to hide it or lie about its price saying it was on sale.

Don't share secrets with them- If you have than you are already on prime time radio. Almost every woman shares each and every secret with her friends. They tend to share their secrets over a cup of coffee and have a good laugh over it. And yeh when I say secrets it means your private secrets as well ( he he) if you know what I mean.

What shoes are you wearing- If you thought it was a myth than think again. Women do judge a man by his shoes. So better make it a point to wear nice clean shoes the next time you walk out.

They know when you are cheating- Women have inbuilt instincts and emotion system which beeps and alerts when their man is cheating. No matter how big of a player you are you would always be caught no matter what.

An absolute must know for you- This secret is an absolute must know for you no matter what. This is the grand daddy of all which would give you the ultimate power to become a magnet towards which every woman would be attracted.

On Indian airlines flight, a middle-aged, well-off brahminSouth Indian Lady has found herself sitting next to a dalit man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, " You've sat me next to untouchable. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."
The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged dalit man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin:
"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class."
Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess continues...
"It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next such an obnoxious person."
Having said that, the stewardess turned to the dalitman sitting next to the lady, and said:
"So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."
At which point, apparently the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation while the dalitman walked up to the front of the plane...

cOINCIDENCE

Tom and dick going to school. Tom asked dick "dick do u no what is the meaning of coincidence"
Dick answered " That was the question I was going to ask u"
Tom asked his " Do u no which building in our locality has most number of stories"
Dad after thinking a lot said ask your mother. Tom "mother do u no which building in our locality has most number of stories"
Mother "son it is a very easy answer the library has the most number of stories in every locality"