AMERICAN PRESIDENT

Every night bill Clinton has to attend a phone call which comes around midnight.After attending the call Clinton always feels depressed and that shows in his face, one night Monica and Hillary asked whats the matter who is the caller and what does he tells.
Clinton after a pause said the caller with a Arabic tone asks me does all American president is not happy with their married life.
Monica said why don’t you ask him why he is asking it.
Clinton with confused look asked Hillary should I ask darling.
Hillary without answering went back to the room.
Next night again the phone came and after the initial conversation Clinton asked why he is asking so.
The caller answered you were after Monica, and now your homosexual president is after laden.

Travel Advisory

One famous writer once adviced " In making a party for a travelling excursion always be sure to have it include one ignorant person who will ask all the questions you are ashamed to ask and you will acquire a vast deal of information you would otherwise lose "

South indian names

A small southindian boy came to the class for first time southpoint kolkata, The classteacher asked him his name. "Venkataratnam Narshingham pondicherry ratiah........." he said
When the class teacher asked " how do you spell it" Venky replied ' My mother helps me'

Chess

One fine morning Bush called laden and said lets stop fighting and lets decide who is intelligent by playing chess. Laden agreed and they both came to play chess in neutral venue Delhi.
After game started their Friends Musharraf and Saddam came to see whats going on.After the first game Saddam proposed lets play doubles bush and mush v/s Saddam and laden.
Hearing the proposal bush immediately consulted his Russian coach and disagreed but mush got angry and said if u don't play doubles then let me and Saddam play U and laden always stay in behind when real fight goes on and when its time for play You people will play no way.

Arrow

When ever Andrew Simmonds come to India his wife asks him to bring an arrow shirt which Harbhajan Singh always wears. Simmonds wife thinks Simmonds will look extremely handsome wearing the shirt. But Simmonds always returns to Australia without buying the shirt because when he goes to buy the shirt in the mall he See's the arrow symbol and go to the next shop.

Do u have another

A shoplifter caught stealing a ornament in jewellery store pleaded " please don't call the police. I'll be glad to pay for it."
When the cashier presented him with the bill he said, " That's a little more than I had planned to spend. Could you show me something less expensive?"

Morality

A well known NGO of kolkata was offering five Sunday meetings on " the new morality," and among the topics listed on the bulletin board were abortion homosexuality and premarital sexual experience. The woman standing next to me as we read the notice murmured more to herself than to me "oh dear I guess I will have to go to all of them so that nobody will know which one I'm really interested in.

Fair Share

A prominent socialist visited a famous business man and mathmatician. The socialist explained to the businessman at great length on the injustice of one man owning such great wealth, and proposed a more equitable distribution of riches acquired through the efforts of workers. The businessman heard the man out then asked his secretary to draw up a statement of his assets. At the same time he checked the figures on the world population. After a moments calculation he turned to his secretary and said " Give the gentleman Rs 20 That's his share of my wealth".

Planning

A newspaper in kolkata announced it will start a new section called planning. It will teach people how to plan their schedules investment etc. When the dday came i.e the day in which the section was to start, the newspaper announced " we are sorry that the planning directory has so far not appeared. This is because it is considerably bigger than originally anticipated and is taking longer to print.

Closing prayer

To stop the mad rush for buses after the school hours a headmaster of a reputed school in kolkata decided to introduce classroom prayers to be organisedby the pupils themselves at the end of the day. It didn't altogether solve the problem. "Thank God it's four ao clock," said the student in charge of the prayers/ "A,em," said the others and rushed for the buses.

Crazy Who

A 70 year old man in Germany was completely disoriented when hospitalized for heart failure. Once his heart trouble was checked he seemed fully rational but then he kept saying that he would have his mother drive over and fetch him. So the docs decided that they had better keep him hospitalized a few weeks longer until his mental state improved. That turned out to be unnecessary. One day his mother aged 95 drove over from a town 100 kms away accompanied by her 97 year old sister and they took him home.

Quips

Junior executive to boss " No sir I have nothing against being transferred to another office. Its ok with me as long it is one of ours office"

Present please

After tom cam back from school in his first day, his mother came up and asked how was the first day tom/
Tom answered angrily " mom they did not give me the present" " I will not go to the school again"
Mom asked present what present
Tom said " they said they will give me a present"
Mother confused and asked why will they give you a present
Tom shot back and said
They did said they will give me a present. when I reached the school they said you are tom ghosh ain't you? well just you sit there for the present". I sat there all the day but i never got it.
I will not go to that school again which don't keep its promise.

do u have a answer

1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go?

2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

3.What is the speed of darkness?

4.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out ofthat stuff?

5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?

6.Can you cry under water? (

7.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)

8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

9.Do fish ever get thirsty?

10.Can you get cornered in a round room?

12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?

13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange?

14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

15.What should one call a male ladybird?

16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

17.Can you blow a balloon up under water?

18.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it?

20.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one?

22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?